Most New Year’s resolutions involve working out, eating healthier or being nicer. They usually don’t last long, and rarely are they actually achieved. Mine this year was more of a work in progress. My goals are self-love and self-confidence.

I think those two things are some of the most important to learn in a lifetime. However, it’s difficult. It really is tough to train yourself to not need approval from others, to not need someone to tell you you’re doing or looking good, to not need someone to tell you that they believe in you.

It’s not something that you can wake up and feel. It takes time to reconstruct what society has us believe, that we are not worthy of feeling these things for ourselves. If others can’t love us, society teaches, we are unloveable.

Ultimately, we spend the most time with ourselves. We should love who we are, and if we don’t, we should tweak the traits we find undesirable in ourselves to make them lovable. We should utilize self-improvement to be the best versions of ourselves.

Self-acceptance falls under this as well. There are some things that can’t be changed due to how deeply they are ingrained in our beings. We should work on accepting those traits. If we love who we are, we are less likely to allow others to treat us as if we are less.

Self-confidence is often thought of as just appearance, but it also has to do with one’s abilities. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. As cliché as that sounds, it’s true. Some celebrities are only considered attractive because they are celebrities. If they weren’t, not many people would give them the time of day.

There’s nothing wrong with unconventional beauty, and there’s nothing wrong with conventional beauty. There is something wrong with shaming someone for being either. There is a difference between being confident and being cocky. Being confident is being sure of the person you are, and being cocky is thinking you’re a gift from God and better than everyone else. Don’t be that person. Confidence is beautiful and cockiness is degrading. Confidence in ability is a wonderful thing to have. I understand everyone needs some reassurance sometimes, but it can’t always be expected to come from others.

That’s why this year I am going to be all about myself for the right reasons. I deserve it.