It seems as if every man has to have some sort of get away… a space to let loose. He goes to his special hideout when he needs to take a step back from reality. Men usually fill these places with meaningless junk that is supposed to make them feel manlier. His place is drowning in testosterone. This disgusting place is usually called “The Man Cave”.

Often women don’t have the same luxury of stepping back from reality and just getting away whenever they need it. I’ve never had a “hideout” filled with meaningless junk that makes me feel more feminine. I’ve never had a place that is drowning in estrogen. Until now…

I’ve decided that I will make a “woman cave” and see just what it is that makes men want to spend all of their time away from reality.

It will be collaged (Yes, I just made this a verb.) with pictures and cluttered with hundreds of different magazines. I’ll have shoes everywhere and all my favorite dresses. I’ll have a giant walk-in closet to fill–completely separate from the one I already have.

I’m going to have a snack bar filled with the greatest (vegetarian) snacks. It will have molten chocolate cake in stock at all times as well as cookie sundaes, brownies, key lime pie, cheesecake and of course, banana nut muffins.

To go along with my delightfully healthy snacks, I’ll have a refrigerator stocked with my favorite drinks: vanilla Coke, green tea, orange juice, white tea and water (just to make myself feel better about it).

I’ll have a movie area with movie theater seats that refill my popcorn for me. My favorite movies will be in at all times, and when I want something new, I’ll have it on command.

Near the movie area, I’ll have an underground pool and hot tub. A towel warmer will be installed nearby.

Since there is nothing worse than smelling like chlorine, I’ll have a shower with multiple shower heads which never run out of hot water.

Just to feel better about myself, I’ll have a work-out area that I will never touch. It will most likely gather dust that I won’t have to clean. In fact, I think I will get someone else to clean. I’ll hire a full-time maid to keep my woman cave clean. I’ll hire someone else to do my nails whenever I want and someone else to give hot stone massages.

Wow, I think I’m starting to understand this “cave/hide out” thing  now.