For those of you who know nothing about the whole March Madness scene, join my club. In an effort to convince you that you too can get involved, I have taken a novel approach to the whole bracket selection process. I know next to nothing about these 68 teams, but using my obvious skills in color, cuteness and random coincidence, I have filled out my bracket. My worthy opponent, whose mind is filled with sports knowledge will use the traditional method. If I beat him, I will demand a Sonic meal as my prize and exclusive bragging rights for the rest of our natural lives.

BATTLE UPDATE AS OF THIRD WEEKEND OF TOURNAMENT–580 points (50.7 percentile)

Play In Round

A&T vs. Liberty

I chose Liberty because I like the blue and red better and No. 11 is cute.

Boise State vs. La Salle

I chose Boise State because Ms. Williamson has a Boise State mouse pad.

Middle Tennessee vs. St. Mary’s

It was too hard to choose, so I had to go to the mascots. I chose the Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders. A winged horse is way cooler and Lightning is a pretty sweet name for a mascot.

Long Island University Brooklyn vs. James Madison

I chose James Madison because blackbirds aren’t as a attractive as bulldogs.

Regular 64 Teams

CORRECT–Louisville vs. Liberty

Liberty Flames is a cool name. It was a battle of the birds, but since Louisville was ranked No. 1, I have decided to chose the Cardinals.

WRONG–Colorado State vs. Missouri

I choose Missouri over Colorado State because I like tigers.

WRONG–Oklahoma State vs. Oregon

I’m choosing Oklahoma State because I have a friend from Oklahoma, and she is good at basketball.

CORRECT–St. Louis vs. New Mexico State

I’m going with St. Louis and the Billikens because it is a really unique mascot that an artist invented for the school a century ago, and it’s a way cooler mascot than the Aggie.

CORRECT–Memphis vs. Middle Tennessee

It’s Memphis over Middle Tennessee because you have to go with the Tigers.

CORRECT–Michigan State vs. Valparaiso

These guys seem like they would actually meet in real battle because they are Spartans vs. Crusaders. I chose Michigan State because their mascot Sparty looks more intense.

WRONG–Creighton vs. Cincinnati

I chose Cincinnati because I like traveling through Ohio.

CORRECT–Duke vs. Albany

I chose Duke because I love Channing Tatum. He played a character named Duke in the movie She’s the Man. Channing Tatum is always the answer.

CORRECT–Gonzaga vs. Southern U

I chose the Zags because the name sounded pretty interesting.

CORRECT–Pittsburgh vs. Wichita State

The WuShock is a really unique mascot. He is a shock of grain because after all it is Kansas. I choose them because there is a really interesting story of how he came to be. It seems the football team used its offseason to earn money shocking grain in the fields back in 1904. The Wu comes from Wichita University which was the college’s original name.

CORRECT–Wisconsin vs. Ole Miss

I chose the Ole Miss Rebels because we don’t need no stinking Badgers, and I do like to rebel sometimes.

WRONG–Kansas State vs. Boise State

I chose Kansas because they are an intriguing purple.

CORRECT–Arizona vs. Belmont

Arizona because “A” comes first in the alphabet, and an “A” is the best grade one can receive.

CORRECT–New Mexico vs. Harvard

Harvard sounds smarter. Cody from The Suite Life On Deck wanted to go there,  and Elle from Legally Blonde went there.

WRONG–Notre Dame vs. Iowa State

Birds and Cyclones don’t mix, so I am choosing Notre Dame, plus Taylor Swift did visit there.

WRONG–Ohio State vs. Iona

I chose the Gaels (Iona) because he personifies strength.

CORRECT–Kansas vs. Western Kentucky

I chose the Jayhawks (Kansas) because the other mascot (Big Red) looks like a blob not a hill, and it was weird and unattractive. This is not a Muppet movie.

CORRECT–North Carolina vs. Villanova

I chose North Carolina because I hear it is pretty there, and I like the color blue, plus Michael Jordan did play there.

WRONG–Virginia Commonwealth University vs. Akron

Zippy the Kangaroo (Akron) wins because he is cute and just makes me smile.

CORRECT–Michigan vs. South Dakota State

I’m choosing Michigan because Hugh Jackman plays Wolverine. A wolverine can take a jackrabbit any day.

CORRECT–UCLA vs. Minnesota

Minnesota wins because overall the players and the mascot seem more attractive.

CORRECT–Florida vs. Northwestern State

I chose the Gators (Florida) because they created Gatorade, and that’s just awesome. Gatorade beats the Demons. I really don’t like scary movies with demons.

WRONG–San Diego State vs. Oklahoma

I chose Oklahoma because their mascots are live horses.

WRONG–Georgetown vs. Florida Gulf Coast University

Georgetown wins because Patrick Ewing went there and also starred in Space Jam, and I love Bugs Bunny.

CORRECT–Indiana vs. James Madison

I chose Indiana because they made a movie about their basketball team, and Hoosiers is fun to say.

CORRECT–North Carolina State vs. Temple

I’m going to chose the Temple Owls over the Wolfpack because my friend Monica loves owls even though North Carolina State’s Tuffy is really cute.

CORRECT–University of Nevada Las Vegas vs. California

I choose California because they do have a cute little bear and there is a poster of Jason Kidd who played there in Ms. Williamson’s office.

CORRECT–Syracuse vs. Montana

I chose Syracuse because their mascot is a cute orange.

WRONG–Butler vs. Bucknell

I chose the Bucknell Bison over the Butler Bulldogs because Mike Muscala is cute.

CORRECT–Marquette vs. Davidson

I chose Marquette because the Golden Eagle looks like he has it more together than Will E. Wildcat from Davidson.

CORRECT–Illinois vs. Colorado

Illinois will win because their fighting Illini is named after their school newspaper and the Colorado Buffaloes don’t look that interesting.

CORRECT–Miami vs. Pacific

I found the University of Miami Cyclones with their Sebastian the Ibis mascot more interesting than Pacific University and their Boxer which is the dog not the punching guy.

The Sweet 16

Now I had to pick the sweet 16 which I thought was always a party but in this case it is the top 16 teams in the tournament.

CORRECT–Louisville vs. Missouri

Even though I always want to go for a tiger, I do know that Louisville is ranked No. 1 so they are going to beat Missouri.

WRONG–Oklahoma State vs. St. Louis

I’m going with St. Louis because I love blue, their players have nice smiles, and their mascot, the Billiken, is still very unusual and unique.

WRONG–Memphis vs. Michigan State 

The Memphis Tigers are going to beat the Michigan State Spartans because I think tigers are ultimately better.

CORRECT–Cincinnati vs. Duke

Duke will win over Cincinnati because, once again, Channing Tatum wins every time.

CORRECT–Gonzaga vs. Wichita State

Even though Gonzaga has cute players, I can’t go against the WuShock of Wichita State.

WRONG–Ole Miss vs. Kansas State

Kansas State Wildcats will defeat the Ole Miss Rebels because purple is just so alluring.

 WRONG–Arizona vs. Harvard

Harvard is going to win. They are smart, and their mascot is a Pilgrim. Those pilgrims had to be smart to survive so their basketball strategy must be good.

WRONG–Notre Dame vs. Iona

It’s the battle of the Irish. I think Notre Dame is the stronger of the two.

CORRECT–Kansas vs. North Carolina

I choose the Jay Hawks because their mascot Big Jay. His jersey number is 1/2 which is really neat.

WRONG–Akron vs. Michigan

Fear the roo. I’m choosing Akron over Michigan.

CORRECT–Minnesota vs. Florida

Gatorade keeps you going, and I’m keeping Florida going past the Golden Gophers.

WRONG–Oklahoma vs. Georgetown

Georgetown’s players look stronger. They look like they can play more basketball than Oklahoma.

CORRECT–Indiana vs. Temple

Since every kid in Indiana knows how to play basketball, I’ve decided to choose them over Temple.

CORRECT–California vs. Syracuse

Cuteness beats the Bear this time. I choose the Orangemen over Cal.

CORRECT–Bucknell vs. Marquette

The Marquette Eagles seem golden to me over Bucknell.

WRONG–Illinois vs. Miami

Journalism wins, so I chose Illini again. It’s the only chance true journalism makes  it to the Sweet 16.

The Elite 8

WRONG Louisville vs. St. Louis

I’m calling for an upset of No. 1 Louisville by the magical powers of the St. Louis Billiken.

CORRECT Memphis vs. Duke

Duke will beat out the Memphis Tigers because even tigers can’t beat Channing Tatum.

CORRECT Wichita State vs. Kansas State

WuShock is going to shock the nation and beat the Kansas State Wildcats.

WRONG Harvard vs. Notre Dame

Does the lucky shamrock beat out smarts? I’m going to go with luck, and Notre Dame will beat Harvard.

WRONG Kansas vs. Akron

Akron and Zippy the Kangaroo will beat the Kansas Jayhawks.

CORRECT Florida vs. Georgetown

Florida will prevail because they still have the magic of Gatorade on their side.

WRONG Indiana vs. Syracuse

The state of Indiana will squeeze the juice out of Syracuse’s orange.

WRONG Marquette vs. Illinois

Illinois is stealing the gold from Marquette and I’m going with the underdog journalism with this one.

The Final 4

WRONG St. Louis vs. Duke

Duke will defeat St. Louis, and I think you already know why (Channing Tatum).

CORRECT Wichita State vs. Notre Dame

WuShock will defeat even the lucky Irish.

WRONG Akron vs. Florida

The Florida Gatorade will be too much for Zippy the Kangaroo.

WRONG Indiana vs. Illinois

Unfortunately one newspaper in Illinois cannot out do an entire state full of Hoosiers.

The Final Four

WRONG–Duke vs. Wichita State

Although I love the WuShock, Channing Tatum always, always wins.

WRONG–Florida vs. Indiana

Even though Indiana has a long basketball tradition behind it,  Florida still has been drinking Gatorade for years so Florida will win.

The Championship

WRONG–Duke vs. Florida

Duke will defeat Florida 72-63, a 9-point difference because nine is my lucky number. Six and three add up to nine and 72 backwards is 27 which is my other favorite number.

Do I smell a No. 1 at Sonic…go Channing Tatum.