WARNING: If you think being harsh and truthful is rude, stop reading now. I’m not going to hold anything back. I’m telling it like it is and taking no prisoners. And I’m talking to you, ladies!
Ladies, have you ever been confused by what your guy friend really means when he says something? Well, look no further because The Amazing Jack is here. I know everything there is to know about being a dude, so I understand that when a guy says, “Yea, sure. I’d love to go watch your synchronized swimming practice,” he really means “Please, God, let the pool fall through a sinkhole.”
So, first off, I’m going straight into “the nitty gritty” as we men say. Guys don’t care about shopping. Choose something that you like that isn’t going to make him fight off other guys, and we’ll probably wear it. And don’t ask us if it looks good. It does.
If a guy asks you to dinner and a movie, most of the time that is a date to him. If he takes you to a fancy restaurant, it’s a date; if he asks you to grab a bite at Taco Bell, it isn’t. If he lets you choose a movie, it’s a date; if he goes to see Super Action Movie 4, it isn’t (Unless you chose it).
If you talk about how cute something is, he is going to agree with you even if it is the ugliest thing in the world because he will have to explain himself otherwise. If a guy says something is awesome, agree with him and say how cool it is because he really thinks it’s awesome if he spoke out about it. Guys will keep everything inside. We like it that way. We don’t want to let it out. We are keeping it inside because we want to. Girls don’t need to wear a bunch of makeup. Wear enough to cover your ugly, but don’t look like Ronald McDonald.
Hey, skinny girls, stop saying you’re fat if you aren’t. We hate that. Also, if you aren’t skinny, that’s fine; just stop wearing really tight clothes and trying to be a twig…it’s not working out.
And girls if you are going to watch the game with us, shut up. Don’t talk incessantly. We want to watch the game, not hear about how Julie dissed your skinny jeans because she has the same pair, and you had them first, and they look so much better on you.
Don’t be like “Are you mad at me?!” If we are, you will know it. And if you’re mad at us, tell us why. We probably really haven’t got a clue. Don’t just be rude and hateful.
And don’t be late. Get ready before it’s time to go. If we show up at your house, it’s time to go. It’s not time to start getting ready. Put on one set of clothes. Don’t change forty million times.
Now, if you are planning to hit me in the hall for what you read here, remember that I gave you fair warning not to read it, and I probably will have no idea why you are attacking me.