First impressions shift after entering world of Ulitimate Fighting Championships

Welcome to my sports column where I will bravely go in sports where I have never been before.

This issue’s  target: mixed martial art fighting

My experience: none

Going into my investigation I knew very little of mixed martial arts and televised fighting events such as the UFC or Ultimate Fighting Championship. The only wrestlers I knew of were the Undertaker and Andrea the Giant, and I knew World Wrestling Federation wrestling was poorly faked. UFC I knew less of, which pretty much consisted of the ring which had eight sides and contained multiple-fighting styles. Call me crazy (most people do), but I’ve never competed in such a sport because the thought of grappling with other men isn’t my cup of tea. I don’t have anything against violence, but the lack of productivity of grown men beating each other stupid never appealed to me..

I began paying more attention to the specific fighters. I mostly watched Randy Couture because I recognized him from The Expendables. (I don’t mean to steal CinemaJen’s job or anything, but it is an awesome movie that I highly recommend). After watching some of the videos I could find, most of which had knock outs and hardcore hits, I realized without a doubt that it was real. If all you have seen is regular WWF, you need to know that WWF is like the hotwheels of wrestling whereas UFC is the 2010 Camaro. Sure some matches consist of two minutes of the fighters trying to psych one another out, which gets boring fast; however, when the fighting actually begins, some of these fighters are just brutal–smooth knock-out kicks to the head and even throws that put the full weight of the victim and afflicter onto the victim’s neck.

Put simply, if you’re not trained, you will be completely and utterly destroyed. My sheer arrogance keeps me from getting intimidated by anything, but these guys are flat out scary. It reminded me of when I saw a chimp rip apart a smaller monkey (ya gotta love Animal Planet).

Every fighter is classified by two main factors. First is their weight class, five–ranging from heavy weight to light weight. Couture is a light-heavy weight at 205 pounds; I, on the other hand, would barely classify as a light weight by the skin of my teeth (which incidentally is a creepy saying).

They are also classified by their preferred fighting style. Couture is classified as a dirty boxer. There are a lot of different fighting styles, and all of them are deadly, which shows quite a bit about us as a human race. There are styles that use mainly punches and upper body, like Couture’s dirty boxing, as well as styles like muay thai which makes use of the legs–a style that fits somebody with longer legs. So the choice is…would you rather have your bones broken by a fist or a foot?

They are also tracked by their win/loss ratio. Couture didn’t have the best ratio with 19 wins to 10 loses, but give him a break, he’s 47 years old. I doubt, though, that any of us teenagers would stay alive for more than 15 seconds while in the ring with one of these monsters.

This sport truly shows humans their animalistic tendencies, which is why I guess so many people are against it. These men have the characteristics of angry bears in size and mentality. That many punches to the head can’t be good, and something tells me they weren’t your average Joe before. I guess all that really matters is that we are entertained and that they get paid for the lost brain cells.

I would just like to repeat for emphasis that this stuff is brutal, and one might feel the urge to re-enact these moves. After testing several out on Jack Cagle, I can honestly say, “Do not attempt this at home.” Somebody could and most likely will get hurt, and breaking somebody’s leg really puts a damper on a friendship. You can also get cauliflower ear, which is when trauma to the ear causes a clot. Then the ear swells up like a cauliflower. It’s not pretty and it decreases your chances with the ladies.

What I found out about UFC is that it is pretty much grown men beating each other stupid. The ugly truth of it is that I will most likely be watching UFC from now on.