With the recent construction that has taken over all of the parking at school, I began to ponder what should have been included in the renovations. As a man, I feel like I have the right to state once and for all what should have been added.
So everybody knows that men love sports. Yes, we have new turf on the football field and we have new tennis courts, but where is the bowling alley? What guy wouldn’t want a bowling alley in the school? And that could somehow be connected to the new shooting range. That would give us the ability to create a bowling team and our shooting sports participants could practice here. There would have to be safes and security, but who cares? We could shoot guns.
We could have laser tag areas that are full of fog and strobe lights. It could be open at all times of the year to help prepare our new laser tag team. Our school would be number one in the state.
In another room we have a rock climbing wall. This would be to better prepare those who are looking for a career in crime fighting. We would have a room where the people in sewing classes make all of the future superheroes’ costumes, and it would be one of the best things any school has done for its community.
At the top of the rock wall is a bungee jumping line. Its sole purpose is to get to the bottom of the wall.
We could have one of those giant fans in the floor also, so not only can you bungee jump down, you can skydive. You may think there’s no way that makes sense, but it’s to better prepare our future stunt people. They could be used in our theater department’s plays. Then the directors wouldn’t be the only ones doing crazy things.
We could have a casino with all of the games that are in any major casino in Vegas. This is to get our students ready to be famous. What famous person hasn’t been seen walking through the slots in Vegas? This could also be used to teach math or probability or whatever, but mostly to prepare us for fame and fortune. These games could pay students with grades, we all know students gamble with their grades anyway.
Teachers have a teacher’s lounge, so where is our man cave? We could have grills constantly cooking some ribs and steak. We would have big, flat-screen TV’s hooked up to game consoles with Call Of Duty in every one. What guy wouldn’t like to chill in a man-only room shooting at some virtual terrorists? This isn’t just for entertainment, though. With the rising number of terrorist groups and people that want America gone, this could be a training tool.
With the new theater, we could have added an actual movie theater with a giant screen. We could give the Dallas Cowboys a run for their money with the size of our jumbo-tron. This could make school meetings more fun. Senior lock-in would be the greatest event on the face of the planet.